Depression in Kids

What Signs to look for to tell if a Child is Depressed

If your child hasn’t been behaving like themselves for months, past the point of it being a “phase,” you likely start worrying their behavior is a sign of something more serious. When it’s time to seek outside help can differ from child to child. There are some signs parents can look for.

Physical Symptoms

Depending on their age and stage, kids can show symptoms of anxiety and depression in different ways.

When a younger child is struggling, they typically don’t have the vocabulary to express all their emotions or worries. Instead, it’s common for them to express themselves through physical symptoms they might be experiencing due to their emotional state. Many kids will talk about having a headache or stomachache.

Because developmentally it’s harder for them to articulate with words how they’re feeling, younger children also tend to express themselves through behavior. For example, if they’re anxious they may throw a tantrum. Outbursts can occur when they no longer have a threshold to manage a situation or their emotions. They can become irritable faster or clingier with parents, older siblings and caregivers.

Kids of all ages will often experience a disruption in appetite and sleep when experiencing anxiety and low mood. Sometimes, kids will either lose or gain weight, have low energy or feel tired even after a good night’s sleep.

Interests Change

When a child of any age stops taking pleasure in activities they used to enjoy, or loses interest in seeing friends, that can be a sign of depression.

With younger children, signs of anxiety might include not wanting to try new things or saying they can’t do something. They can get focused on things not being perfect, or have outbursts when they can’t get something right.

When older children (nine and up) are experiencing anxiety or low mood, you tend to see avoidance. Like, they avoid situations such as school, play dates, or engaging with others. You see them procrastinate with things that make them anxious, whether that’s doing homework or participating in extracurricular activities.

Teens, meanwhile, tend to withdraw or isolate themselves. You might notice they’re staying in their room, not going out, just keeping to themselves. Also pay attention to what music they listen to. Many teens listen to music that expresses what they feel.

What are the first steps to seeking help for your child's behavioral problems?

If you feel your child is struggling and you’re seeing impaired functioning that’s persisted for months at home and elsewhere, it might be time to seek help.

You’ll want to start with your primary health-care provider, who will help rule out any medical issues. Also, it would be a physician or health-care professional who would refer your child for a psychiatric assessment if necessary.

You’ll also want to check in with the school to see if your child has been exhibiting symptoms in class. Many things tend to happen in school that the parents never hear about. The earlier symptoms are identified, the quicker parents can seek professional help for their child.

How to offer support at home

Give kids a sense of control: The more kids feel they have support at home, the more they'll feel they have at least some say in things at home. For younger children, this could be as simple as letting them pick out their own clothes to wear for the day, or choose what the family will have for dinner on one or two nights of the week. For teens, this might be supporting them in the constructive and creative activities they enjoy and excel at, while giving them space to express what they’re not enjoying.

Strategize the unpredictable: Look at your weekly schedule and think about what events are predictable and unpredictable, and try to make sure your child knows ahead of time what’s on their schedule. If they know beforehand that certain activities or events might not go as planned, you can strategize together about ways to handle it.

Don’t try to fix, rather validate: This is hard for a parent, but don't try to fix everything right away. For most kids, validating their feelings can be very powerful. This is different from agreeing with everything they may be thinking or feeling; it’s validating that you understand their experience. By making it clear them that you understand, they no longer feel alone, and they might be more open to ways to handle their problem.

Understand your child’s temperament: How you are supportive depends on your child’s individual personality and temperament. You might have the type of relationship with your child where you can ask him or her, ‘How do you want me to help you? Do you want me to just sit with you for a while, or do you have questions that are bothering you that you are too afraid to ask?’ Some kids don’t like it when parents ask questions. They see it as an invasion of their privacy, while others wonder why their parents aren’t asking them anything. So to get to the root of your child's problem, it would be best to take baby steps. Instead of asking them directly: 'Why do you do this?' or, 'Why do you behave like that?', take small steps with your child until, together, you reach a point where your child speaks openly about their problem with you. This most likely won't happen in a day, so have patients.

Don’t push kids into accepting outside help: When kids aren’t ready for therapy or treatment, pushing them into it can actually have an adverse effect. If your child is a willing participant, they’re going to work hard. What’s more, parents can still reach out for their own support even if their child doesn’t want to consider therapy right away. It’s not an all-or-nothing situation.

How to Help Your Child

We know that talking about emotional or mental well-being isn't always easy.

Coping mechanisms and emotional regulation don't develop overnight. They are in their mental clay phase where their minds are shaped and molded into how they will think about and handle problems as adults. Sometimes challenges come along that children will have trouble handling, like a pandemic that changed one of the biggest parts of their lives – school.

Many mental disorders like anxiety disorders, depression or other mood disorders start in childhood.

When is the best time to start talking to your child?

The burning question: When should I start to become concerned about my child's mental health? Admittedly, the answer to this question is a little more complicated than most parents might think. Your child's circumstances are unique. Just because you heard from a family member, friend, or someone at your work that their child is exhibiting the same behavior doesn't mean that your child's problem and how to handle it will be exactly the same as theirs. There is no one size fits all answer when it comes to addressing your child's problem.

Mental health troubles affect all ages in varying ways. If your child is exhibiting any of these symptoms, then it's time to talk:

• Withdrawing from or avoiding social situations. 

• Focusing on fears and worries. 

• Extreme irritability or out of control behavior. 

• Significant changes in mood or personality. 

• Changes in their grades or ability to concentrate. 

• Regression in behavior -- wetting the bed or sucking their thumbs. 

• Frequent stomach aches or headaches.

• Destructive or self-harm behaviors.

You want to observe their behavior and then respond accordingly, putting together an action plan to deal with the situation.  

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3 tips for talking about mental health for kids

To talk to your child about topics related to their mental or emotional health is easier said than done. Some parents would walk and talk circles around an issue that they can clearly see their child is having, hoping the issue would just go away on its own. If you don't know where to start, you can use these tips to have a healthy conversation with your child.

1. Use straightforward communication

These aren't easy conversations to have, especially when you're concerned about how your child might interpret the conversation. You'll need to use an immense amount of self-control and keep your parental emotions in tact. Your role isn't to diagnose your child; keep your message simple: You've noticed behaviors that you are concerned about. You want to support them. Using a straightforward and calm communication style is essential when talking about mental health topics. You want to avoid the urge to compare your experiences at that age to theirs. And always allow for silence during the conversation and listen what their response is.

2. Give examples, help them identify what they are feeling

Giving your children the vocabulary to identify what they are feeling is crucial. And this can start as early as board books for toddlers. There are numerous books available that cover topics like the feelings of a child, anxiety, self-esteem, fears, etc.

Another way to give your child an example is talking through situations and how they made you feel. You want to give the big message that mental wellness is as important as physical wellness. You can do this at the dinner table, during their bedtime routine or any time it works for your family. The goal is to make it a part of normal conversations they have with you, so that they don't feel they have to keep what's bothering them all bottled up inside until the right time that they can talk to you. They should always feel comfortable bringing their thoughts and emotions to you; that they could come to you at any time and feel safe when they want to tell you what's bothering them.

3. Listen to their feelings and reassure them

During conversations with your child, make sure they're comfortable and ready to open up to you. You don't want them to feel like they are being interrogated. Find a comfortable place to speak and keep the discussion honest and appropriate for the developmental age of the child. You can reassure your child that it's OK to talk about their feelings and emotions and ask questions. Thus opening the channels of communication.

Pay close attention to how they respond to the conversation. If the conversation strikes an emotional nerve and they start to sound or look nervous, hesitant, or upset, you can slow the conversation down. Remember: baby steps. Let them ask you questions or take a break and pick the conversation up later. Many parents fear that talking about these topics will make their children feel alienated. However, listening to their feelings and letting them know that mental health challenges are common will likely bring them relief. 

Asking your child simple questions is the easiest way to spark up the conversation about mental health. You also need to be ready to answer the questions they ask you. Especially with young children. Reassure them and answer what questions you can. You can find it for them or you ask someone who can.